Healing can come in miracle quickness, or miracle passage of time. Either way, healing is a gift freely given. So why doesn't healing come immediately through either medicine or prayer? The infinite question of mankind: why do people have to suffer?
Ponder three possibilities: 1) We choose to suffer, 2) Our suffering is as a result of the actions of another human being, or force of nature, 3) We are born with ailments with no explanation. To know which category your suffering falls under requires self reflection, honesty, and in the case of the first possibility, personal accountability.
For the moment, I'm only going to address the first possibility: We choose to suffer. Why would anyone choose to suffer, you might ask?
Original Circumstances
Unfortunately, when we are born, we are born into a set of circumstances we don't choose (or did we - but that is a subject for latter consideration). We are surrounded by adults who have the responsibility of raising us based on what they have learned and experienced in the process of becoming adults, based on what they believe, and based on what they choose for themselves that ultimately affects us.
Until we are the age of majority and can live independently, which ranges from 16 to 21 years depending on how ready you are to leave the nest, we are programmed by our circumstances and upbringing.
Now you are thinking, "This really is possibility number 2: Our suffering is as a result of the actions of another human being ..." Yes, and no. Because when we leave the nest, we are ultimately responsible for ourselves. All that we experience as children either follows us for the better or the worse.
For example, if you were raised eating vegetables, you will most likely eat vegetables when you grow up - unless ... you were forced to eat vegetables - that you didn't like - and then you CHOOSE to NEVER eat vegetables again for as long as you live.
In this example, the way that the choice was presented to you impacts your future choices - AS LONG AS YOU LET IT. YOU made a decision at some point to NEVER do something again based on another person's presentation of the choice, but it was still YOU that made the decision. So you can remain entangled in an emotion that occurred possibly decades ago, or you can release the emotion to make a healthy choice. And this is why I say "We choose to suffer."
An Extreme Example
An extreme yet valid example is that of a young person whose life is so controlled by a parent that the only way that they know how to retaliate or take control back is to become anorexic - controlling his/her eating to a detrimental degree. It may be the only control he or she has over the parent, as well. It may be used as an emotional weapon to conquer the parent's attempt at being a dictator. However, the result is devastating on the young person.
So what happens when this young person grows up? As long as that person regards the parent as a controlling factor to be conquered, he/she may continue the cycle of anorexia. What happens if they choose to disregard the parent as a controlling factor, regarding themselves as the ultimate person in control of their life? That is being honest, conducting self reflection, and becoming accountable for their actions.
One must separate oneself from the controlling factor that is used as an EXCUSE not to do what is best FOR ONESELF, or one is in the position of CHOOSING TO SUFFER.
The Process of Change
Is this an easy process? No, of course not. Stubborn pride can prevent us from changing. Fear of FEELING controlled or out of control can also prevent us from changing. Few other things except Pride or Fear interfere with our choices to be healthier individuals.If you truly self-reflect, the root of your un-health, in a situation where it is you who is choosing to suffer, is either based on Pride or Fear. Pride: you are unwilling to admit your choices are your choices. Fear: you are afraid of losing control. Change means feeling out of control for a period of time until a new habit is formed. Once a new and better habit is formed, the feeling of being out of control will go away because you are now in control of the new habit. You have successfully created, by your own choice, a new habit that benefits you.
What happens when the emotional injury is deep? It takes longer to recover, but recovery is possible if you CHOOSE - if you have the capacity to choose. Most people have the capacity to choose.
Where do you start? You start with changing how you think about yourself and your circumstances. Regard yourself as an intelligent human being who may make good choices for oneself because you CHOOSE to respect yourself. If you don't believe yourself to be that person, if you have low self esteem, low self worth, then you have the challenge of finding your worth first. For that I recommend you read my other blog: Love Your Neighbor As Yourself.
**Although the example of anorexia was used, the author understands that there are many reasons a person may become anorexic. Relationships with parents is only one. This is not intended to be a diagnosis, or statement of absolute fact. It is merely an example based on research and personal experience with those who have suffered from anorexia for the reason cited.
